


Seven Steps

by yersifanel



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Character Study, Coda, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-08
Updated: 2015-12-08
Packaged: 2018-05-05 16:48:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,399
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5382932
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yersifanel/pseuds/yersifanel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>For some reason, his pass across the underworld is a blur that made of him a clean canvas. What came after that he remembers, it took him seven steps to remember and eight to understand.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Seven Steps

**Author's Note:**

> The show mentioned Charon and while I know they are going with the Greek version of the Underworld (kind of, sort of… they made Peter Pan a devil, Arthur a jerk and the Wicked Witch of the West a rapist, I certainly don’t expect them to stick to the Greek myths closely) the first thing that came to my mind was Dante Alighieri.
> 
> So, I spare Killian the nine circles of hell because he was repentant and scarified himself in the end, which gives him a ticket to Purgatory in my book.
> 
> Also, this was not beta read. English is not my native language, I apologies for the mistakes you may find.

His body is complete, but his soul is torn. His heart is shattered yet somehow he knows the pieces lay across the mountain, all he has to do is climb and find them in each terrace, one by one, until he feels whole again. He knows it will not be easy, peace of mind and soul never is.

"Killian," the name is like an anchor in his mind, familiar but heavy. There are too many events tied to it, "My name is Killian."

Flexing the fingers of his restored left hand, he feels a tingle. His hand is covered in calluses and small cuts, product the hard surface of the rock he has been sculpting for who know how long, he didn't remember his name when he started, now he knows why he is at the foot of that mountain, looking over the terraces between him and the top.

This is not his first sculpture, nor will be the last. 

"I made a lot of mistakes, I was too proud to see it," he says once he finished his latest sculpture, looking into its eyes, it took him long before he notice that at the feet of the sculpture was a red shard, glowing faintly. He took it after a long moment of contemplating, the shard floats over his palm and merges in his chest, spreading warm for a moment.

He feels the need to advance to the next terrace, where the stories about generosity fill the air and he tries to remember being generous, selfless and no expecting a thing in return. He sits on the ground and listen, while his mind recalls his own stories to share.

The concept of time is vague in this mountain, this island for those who are incomplete as he is. He knows time has passed, but at the same time he is aware it doesn't matter. 

The shards of his hear are lost and maybe if he listens and recalls his own stories, he might be able to find another shard in this place, someday. 

There's a woman listening when he founds a story to share.

"I made a lot of mistakes… I robe someone of her precious voice because… because I was angry… and I had so much envy… she was going to be happy and if I couldn't be happy, then she shouldn't be either…" he felt tears in his eyes, "I was so wrong, she should have her happy ending."

"She did, thanks to you," the woman says, taking his hands in hers and smiling softly, "Were you trying to make amends?"

"I just wanted to give her back what she deserves, her happy ending, I shouldn't have taken it… I just wanted her to be happy again."

The woman smiles while he cries, his tears hit the ground, cleaning a shard in the dirt, making it shine again. The woman makes it float and gives it to him, allowing the shard to hide in his chest, spreading warm once again.

"The path is open," she tells him, "I think you should follow."

"I'm afraid of what I'm going to find next," he can't lie, he doesn't want to.

He gets up, clutching a hand against his chest as he crosses the terrace and walks up the path, looking over the mountain top that looks so far away and yet not unreachable. When he find his way to the next terrace, he feels cold and lost, walking a night of cold rain and silence, while his memories come back and his actions haunt him.

How many times did he act with such wrath towards other just because he could? It makes him fall of his knees in the middle of the road, staring at the cold rain in silence. 

"I... I was able to forgive her... she betrayed me, I was so angry… and I was able to forgive her," Getting up was not easy, not when the cold was so close to home he felt it shattering his bones, "And… my father… Oh God… We have lost too much, why made him lose everything when we had lost too much already?"

He was crying as he spoke to himself, the fiery wrath that consumed him once was now reduced to smoke, and his mind saw fire no more. He walked for a long time, until the rain is no longer freezing but shooting. 

The rain falls and a shard falls with it, he reaches for it with an open hand and the light dances before merging inside him, spreading warm over his frozen body. The path is clear and the mountain continues. 

A messenger is waiting for him in the next terrace, holding a bright shard in the air, offering with no hesitation while Killian reaches for it, unsure.

"You did not fail to act in pursuit of love," the messenger explains, "This path is open."

In the next path he fall face down in the ground and fells as if he would never get up again, remembering a ship that was more to him than anything else, he crawls with the weight of the ship on his back until the song of a mermaid lifts it from him.

On his knees on the ground, he remembers the voice of that mermaid, what he did to her and to help her in the end, but before her he…

"I used to have a ship," he recalls, "It was everything to me… and I gave it up, because I wanted to find someone… I wanted to bring someone home, to her family, to those who loved her."

Killian looks at his hands, wondering if he recalls correctly, he can't recall who he wanted to bring home, but it was important, it brought more important things after that.

When he gets up by the end f the path, he is able to find the missing shard of his heart. 

There's a forest across the path up the mountain, the trees have fruits and the rivers have crystal water around, there's people looking the trees with longing and at each other with uncertainty, seeking contact and receiving none. In a place full of thing to feed of, he starves. 

He doesn't mind. 

"It was never about the food or the drink," he reflects, looking at his reflection in the water, "It was about whom I shared such things it with." 

He plugs his hand into the water and collects his shard, taking it whit him when he walks again, climbing the mountain once again, where he encounters a wall of fire.

"It's been nearly 300 years and many nights with desire, not caring about whom I got it from," he whispers, "But now… I only want to be with her."

When he crosses the wall, he thinks of a woman with brown hair and asks for her forgiveness, when he crossed the wall, he can see the image of a blonde woman with green eyes, smiling at him. 

"You feel like a dream."

"She's not."

He turns around and the wall of fire is not there anymore, but the brunette he asked forgiveness from, she looks calm, even peaceful as the word around them turns into a garden, when he can finally breathe peace.

"Killian," she greets, "She's not a dream, she's real and she's looking for you."

He blinks a couple of times, unsure if he should speak but does it, "Milah?"

She nods and takes his hands on hers, "I have nothing to forgive you Killian, you did me no wrong."

"I failed you."

"It wasn't your fault, let go of that pain," she whispers, "Someone is looking for you, it's time you let her find you."

They sit under a tree, while she sings and he lays down on the soft grass, thinking of his life and the shards of his heart, now complete, shining softly inside him while he sleeps in the word in between. There, he remembers her name.

"Emma."

Milah smiles and the word around him burs brightly, he is falling and she is waving goodbye, but he is not afraid, not even when he finds himself floating in a sea of light, where there's nothing but a white up and down. He closes his eyes and drifts into sleep, knowing that someday she is going to find him.

She will always find him.


End file.
